Parenting

Parenting has evolved significantly since the 1970s, when the parenting zeitgeist included encouraging kids to play and socialize outside, and then come back in for meals. Kids explored both the physical and social worlds less supervised and under less constraints than modern children. Consistent with theory put forth by legendary developmental scientist Jean Piaget, such independent exploration is essential for cognitive development. Modern children are subject to more structured environments that are often heavily curated by parents. Up to about age 6, parents now spend more time and resources on their kids than they did in the past. However, once children transition into adolescence and no longer require intensive basic care, family dynamics tend to change, resulting in less quality time together than decades ago. However, despite no longer requiring the same level of attention as children, parents still play an important role throughout adolescence. The reason does not appear to be an inability to be in the same place. Teens are still in the house, even more so than prior generations, but even though parents and teens may occupy the same space, MIT researcher Sherry Turkle has noted that much of this time is spent “alone together”. Alone together time is not considered to be the type of quality time that builds and maintains strong relationships. Reasons for alone together time are not singular - technology use by both parents and teens is certainly a major cause, but, as a result of our evolving society, and rising costs of living that are out of sync with wage growth, parents are also working more than prior generations to make ends meet The result may be a perfect storm that creates a non-optimal environment for healthy social development during adolescence in which parental involvement is intense and peaks prior to adolescence but is not always replaced by significant face-to-face time with friends. Prior generations did not have the benefit of the early life attention modern children do, but they did have significantly more in-person experience with friends as they progressed to becoming young adults who became their peers in the workplace. The significant in-person training also enabled a smooth transition to the workplace, in which different generations spoke a common language of communication. In a departure from prior generations entering the workforce, Generation Z often prefers digital communication over other forms, whereas managers, overwhelmingly Generation X and Y, prefer face-to-face and voice communication. Parents of Generation Z may benefit from endowing their children with the expectations and experience they will likely face upon entering the workforce.

Parenting Styles and Trends

Changes in family dynamics have been significant over the last several decades. Pew Research data shows that far fewer children are living in two-parent households: 69% of children younger than 18 today compared with 87% in 1960. Yet, parental involvement has increased significantly, as parents oversee, monitor and actively participate in more aspects of their childrens’ lives. 

Researchers have documented a shift towards a permissive style of parenting often referred to as “parental support”, compared with a more authoritarian style, often referred to as “parental control”, that was prevalent until the 1990s. Permissive parents are often described more as friends than parents, as relationships place less of an emphasis on expectations and rules, and more on warm support. Children of permissive parents tend to handle their social environments adequately, but are also more likely to be demanding, impulsive and less able to regulate their own emotions. The lack of rules and guidance may hinder the development and refinement of good habits, and instead lead to unfettered excess of everything from poor snack choices to inconsistent bedtimes and too much screen time. Many studies have shown that without some form of parental guardrails (read: limits), children are far less likely to develop important capacities, perhaps most notably, self-regulation and self-control. With respect to technology, early evidence suggests that permissive parenting can exacerbate the relationship between worry and internet addiction.

While permissive parenting may not be the goal of many parents, exogenous factors, such as the quantity and quality of sleep of the mother, has been shown to be influence parenting style, specifically in this instance to a more permissive style. In many instances, permissive parenting is combined with “overparenting”, in which parents go to great lengths to ensure their children get what they need and want, and make significant efforts to reduce negative experiences for their children. While the intentions of parents by and large are noble - protecting their children from harms, insulating them from many grim realities, reducing discomfort and so forth, the results on social and emotional health can be counterintuitive. Research has consistently demonstrated negative emotional and social health outcomes and reduced capacity for behavioral and emotion regulation for children whose parents engage in overparenting, overly permissive parenting, or a combination of both.

Decades of research consistently show that favorable developmental outcomes are mostly associated with a positive authoritative style of parenting, which is strongly associated with secure attachment relationships with parents (though this is dependant on many factors, including cultural background). This style of parenting is characterized by attempts to regulate behavior, but not exerting psychological control, that is, not attempting to manipulate thoughts and emotions. Critically, positive authoritative parents have high standards, or demands, but are responsive to their childrens’ needs and feelings. Children exposed to positive authoritative styles of parenting that include emotional support and involvement tend to have lower risk for “alcohol abuse and deviance, depression and delinquency, and externalizing problem behavior” and are more likely to develop positive social traits, such as “maturation, resilience, optimism, self-reliance, social competence, self-esteem…. and academic achievement”, according to authors Sofie Kuppens and Eva Ceulemans.

In contrast, the negative, authoritarian (as opposed to authoritative) style of parenting is characterized by excessive demands, behavioral and psychological control, and less responsiveness, and has been associated with “deviant behavior, misconduct, depression and anxious effects… and aggression, delinquent behaviors, somatic complaints, depersonalization and anxiety”, according to the same authors. Psychological control, specifically, appears to be uniquely negative, associated with “depression, antisocial behavior and relational regression”. On the extreme ends of the parenting spectrum are a permissive style, characterized by very little demands and monitoring / oversight; and neglectful style. Both of these styles have been associated with negative developmental outcomes, such as “anxiety, depression, withdrawn behavior, somatic complaints. school misconduct, delinquency” for permissive parenting and “lack of self-regulation, poor self-reliance and social competence, poor school competence, antisocial behavior and delinquency, anxiety, depression and somatic complaints” for neglectful parenting. 

While these research findings shed light on the association between a single parenting style and developmental outcomes, most parents tend to shift styles at times as they attempt to navigate parenthood. Culture and context also play an important role in the link between parenting style and child outcome. As of 2014, about 25%, or 1 in 4 children, lived in a single-parent household. Further, mothers and fathers may differ in their approach to parenting, providing mixed signals to children. Much of the past research did not address the joint effect of parenting on development, however research in the past ~15 years has shown that the most favorable outcomes are often associated with the positive authoritative style, even if one parent has a different style. However, given the significant variation in development among children, adults may find that a combination of permissive and authoritative strategies may work, depending on specific periods in development, demands of a given context, cultural background, parenting goals and attitudes, and how children and adolescents respond to each strategy. 

It may be tempting to oversimplify the idea of parenting styles, for example that one is simply say, a “permissive” parent, and then draw straight lines from these concepts to predicted outcomes. Reality is seldom that simple. Most parents would immediately recognize that at times they might be more permissive than others, and at other times, more authoritative. Sometimes these shifts are by choice, but often they are not. What then, influences our parenting at any given moment? Research out of Columbia suggests that context matters, and not only the specific activities or form of interaction between parents and children or adolescents. Our emotional states matter, too. Whether we, as parents, are getting adequate sleep and feel rested, or, whether we are stressed about work, or relationships, or health. Given how much children, especially early on in development, depend on parents to buffer them against stress and emotional turmoil, parents’ own behaviors are extremely important indicators to children of how to interpret their surroundings. While it may be tempting to try to shield children from the realities of the outside world, especially during times of stress (i.e., momentous events, illness, etc.), explaining situations to children in age-appropriate ways is an important way to encourage the development of independent coping and self-regulation. Conversely, if parents demonstrate heightened anxiety towards stressors in their environment, children learn that this is how they too should respond https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32671835/. Therefore, one of the most beneficial ways in which parents can encourage healthy developmental outcomes is to make sure they are also prioritizing their own health and wellbeing. 

Just as children develop and change, adults may find a need to adapt to circumstances as they arise. More information about parenting styles and outcomes can be found here.